"Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it!"
Customer: I want a nice chocolate cake for my young son, and he likes trucks, so could you maybe do a little frosting picture of a truck on the top?
Cake Boss: SOS WHAT WES GUNNA DO IS MAKE A GIANT TRUCK ENTIRELY OUTTA RICE CRISPIES AND COVA DAT IN FONDANT AND IZ GUNNA SHOOT SPARKS AND CATCH FIYAH, POSSIBLY KILLIN YOUR SON IN DA PROCESS.
Guys who try to use the “Are you on your period?” as way to end an argument always amuse me. Because it gives me the excuse to lean in close and whisper.
“I started my day by waking up in a pool of my own blood. Is that how you’d like me to end yours?”
omfg this is great
New favorite comeback.